How to Cope With the Tragic Loss of a Student

After hearing the devastating news of the loss of dozens of children and camp counselors in the floods in central Texas on July 4, 2025, I began to reflect on how far-reaching that grief would be—for families, friends, classmates, and teachers.

As an educator for two decades, I have experienced the tragic death of students. When this happens, teachers face difficult questions: How do we honor the child while supporting grieving classmates? What do we say? What do we do? We want to say the right thing at the right time, but in these moments, there’s rarely a clear “right.” These are difficult questions to ask and even harder to answer.

To better understand how educators can support students through grief, I turned to two experienced school counselors and licensed clinical social workers: Penny Cleveland, a licensed clinical social worker and head of wellness counseling at Awty International School in Houston, and Emily D’Arcy, a licensed master social worker in New York. I asked them the questions I hope you never have to.

Should I go on with the usual routine or do something special with my class?

Educators are often advised that students suffering from trauma find comfort in familiar routines, especially in the structure of school. However, this is not always possible, depending on the circumstances. D’Arcy suggests, “Structure and acknowledgment are both equally important. Finding a balance can be challenging—but sticking to a routine as much as possible is most beneficial for all age groups. People find comfort in routine or structure. It is also appropriate to acknowledge the loss in the beginning or end of class and offer a quiet moment or prayer for students to reflect and then continue with the schedule of the day.”

As D’Arcy notes, balance looks different for each person. After a recent tragedy at our school, our counseling team asked for student feedback in advisory groups. Some students felt we talked about it too much, while others felt we moved on too quickly.

As educators, we aim for our students to feel safe and valued, but teachers need care too. Cleveland reminds us, “It’s also important to remember that you need to do something special for you! As you are grieving alongside your class, it is vital for you to turn to your support system to express your sadness and pain.” Seek out a counselor or close friend to talk through your feelings. If needed, ask for class coverage to take a break.

Can I mention the student who is no longer with us? How often and how?

After the death of a student, teachers may wonder if they should bring up their name, or if it’s better to avoid the subject. Cleveland says, “It’s healthy to acknowledge the uniqueness of the grief process and to let students know that they can continue to talk with you about the classmate who died. It’s helpful to establish a routine of weekly check-ins with the class, especially after a death or another type of tragedy.”

If you’re still unsure of how to proceed with discussing the student with your class, D’Arcy advises, “It is also very dependent on the situation. What information would the family like shared? We must always respect the family’s wishes.” Because families may be overwhelmed with calls and visits, check with an administrator about the family’s preferences rather than reaching out to them directly.

What do I say if a student asks about or mentions him or her?

While we can control what we say, we can’t control what students say. I remember a student telling an impromptu story that involved the classmate we had recently lost. The room fell silent, and I had no idea how to respond. I didn’t want the storyteller to feel shamed, but I also didn’t want the rest of the class to be blindsided.

When I asked Cleveland, she suggested, “When students mention their former classmate, you can validate the emotion behind their statements and offer space to talk more about the classmate who died.” She also advises being aware of important dates, such as the student’s birthday or the anniversary of their death, which can stir emotions.

Cleveland reminds us that the child who died remains a part of the school community. Classmates may express everything from happy memories to anger and sadness. Acknowledging that range is part of healthy grieving.

What do I do or say if a student is having a lot of emotions?

In every school where I’ve ever taught, the counseling department invites anyone to visit their office at any time after the death of a community member. I have even seen a school bring in a large team of counselors from area schools for a few days after the tragedy to increase the availability of counseling services on campus.

Beyond referring students to counselors, teachers can check in with those showing visible distress or those who seem emotionally numb. Cleveland recommends doing so discreetly and helping students identify trusted adults at school and at home who can be part of their support network.

“Validate, validate, validate!” says D’Arcy, adding, “It’s also OK to say you don’t know what to say.”

While we often feel pressure to be the experts, in moments of profound grief it is brave to admit that we don’t have all the answers. Remember that teachers are not trained, licensed counselors. It is important to seek out school counseling staff for extreme traumatic responses.

Do I keep up memories of the student like photos and classwork?

After the death of a student, their artwork on the wall or their photo on the school website can feel even more significant. Faculty may wonder how students or the family will feel seeing these reminders.

Of course there is no “right” answer to any of the questions. Cleveland reminds us that it can be helpful to honor the life of the student and their classmates’ memories by recognizing their former classmate’s contributions to the school before their passing. She adds, “Each death involves special considerations, but I have seen beautiful celebrations of life where children wrote a note for or drew a picture to honor their classmate who died. There is typically a natural point in time when work may be taken down or chairs and desks rearranged, and this is something you can discuss with the class.”

For especially sensitive situations, such as death by suicide, follow your school’s counseling and administrative guidance. Research indicates that it is not advisable to create memorials or shrines for suicide deaths. If you’re unsure how to proceed, it’s OK to pause and process rather than act hastily.

None of these questions have easy answers; they depend on the circumstances of the loss, the school culture, the family’s wishes, the classmates’ developmental stage, and more. In times of loss, teachers may worry about saying too much or too little. Students often take their emotional cues from the adults around them, which makes your presence powerful, even when words are hard to find. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Lean on your school counselors and mental health professionals for support, and be gentle with yourself, too. Your well-being matters—both for you and for the healing of your classroom community.