Coping With Grief as an Educator

Grief touches every part of our lives. For educators, it may arise from losing a loved one, saying goodbye to a cherished pet, the end of a relationship, or even the fading of a friendship. When I lost my mom, I experienced firsthand how grief can seep into even the most familiar spaces—including the classrooms we strive to make places of joy for our students.

I had flown to Virginia for a brief visit with my parents, expecting a short, three-day stay. I was getting off the plane when my phone rang. It was my mom’s hospice nurse: “Your mom is getting ready to die.”

I got to the house and entered what had become a quiet haven—my old bedroom, now my mom’s final refuge. In that room, I gathered with my dad, the hospice nurse, and an in-home caregiver as my mom’s final hours unfolded. The soft, labored rhythm of her “guppy” breathing filled the space with both sorrow and calm. The nurse, needing to visit her next patient, lingered a little longer because she suspected that soon after she left, my mom would pass away. I sat with my mom for a few hours before leaving to handle arrangements. Even then I knew that what I thought would be a short visit was about to change into something very different. Not even an hour later, I got the call from my dad.

“She’s gone, Zac. She’s gone.”

Those moments, and the tidal waves of grief that followed while I arranged her funeral, taught me that grief is not a single event but a gradual, evolving journey that requires time, understanding, and gentle self-care.

As educators, we are not immune to life’s challenges. I couldn’t help but think of the many teachers who face grief and loss and how hard it can be to prevent personal sorrow from dimming the learning and joy we want our students to experience every day.

Practical Strategies for Coping With Grief

Here are some practical approaches to help ensure that grief doesn’t adversely affect you, your teaching, your classroom, or your students. While you need not reveal every personal detail, a measured openness about the challenges you face can help build an atmosphere of trust. Sharing a brief, heartfelt reflection about your own loss can reassure students that it’s normal to experience difficult emotions, modeling self-compassion and resilience.

Establish a self-care routine. Incorporate small acts of self-nourishment throughout your day, like writing in a journal, a brisk walk between classes, or a few moments of mindfulness before lessons. After my mom died, I turned to writing and journaling as a way to process the loss and get my mind right. While I understood cognitively that she was gone, that awareness still came with a deep emotional toll.

Grief doesn’t disappear when you enter your classroom, so add self-care into your teaching practice, too. Start your class with a one-to-three-minute mindfulness, yoga, or dancing brain break. If your emotions start to feel heavy in the middle of class, pause and have your students join you in taking a few deep breaths. Self-care doesn’t have to be time-intensive; it’s about taking those small moments when you need them to recenter. Caring for yourself is vital for your healing and for maintaining the empathy and energy needed to guide your students. Take things moment by moment, and be kind to yourself. You’re navigating a challenging time.

Seek support. Reach out to trusted colleagues, counselors, or support groups. Sharing your experience with others who understand the pressures of teaching can provide comfort and valuable strategies. Many schools offer professional development on social and emotional learning that includes techniques for managing stress and grief.

As an administrator, I had my door open more often than not, and teachers would stop by to say hello and grab candy from my desk. Those casual visits at times led to heartfelt conversations about personal loss and life’s harder moments. I was grateful to offer support, even if it was just an empathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on. After my mom died, those roles reversed. I needed support. I reached out to my colleagues and friends. I’m thankful they were there for me.

Loss can be extremely difficult, and seeking help shows strength. Connect with your support system, and if you need professional support, consider contacting a crisis lifeline. Text HOME to 741741 for free support from a trained crisis counselor, or dial 988 for free and confidential access to help from a trained mental health crisis and suicide prevention counselor. Both of these services are available around the clock.

Maintain structured routines. A consistent classroom schedule offers stability during turbulent times. Adhering to classroom routines can help keep personal sorrow from spilling into your teaching—preserving the classroom as a safe space for learning and growth. However, grief and loss can be overwhelming, so be gentle with yourself. It’s OK to have difficult moments—what matters is that you navigate them with care and resilience.

Know the stages of grief. Coping with grief is challenging, but knowing the stages and recognizing signs of progress can help. It’s not about eliminating pain completely but about noticing gradual improvements. When feelings overwhelm you, recognizing progress can offer hope. The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The stages don’t always happen in that order, and people experience them differently. Signs of progress include steadier mood regulation, greater engagement with your students, and developing self-care habits like exercise and healthy eating. Reflecting on your loss with growing acceptance—even on difficult days—also shows that you’re moving forward. Regular self-reflection or conversations with a trusted mentor can provide valuable insights as you navigate your grief.

Embrace the journey. Every educator’s path through grief and loss is unique. Whether you’re mourning a loved one, grappling with the end of a significant relationship, or coping with the loss of a pet, these experiences shape who we are and how we teach.

Reflecting on my own journey—from that call warning me of my mom’s imminent passing to the quiet moments in my old bedroom to the relentless waves of grief that followed—I recognize that loss, while deeply painful, has also enriched my capacity for empathy and resilience. I carry my mom’s memory with me every day, letting love, loss, and her memory guide and teach me. I will do all I can to take something positive from this experience and use what I learn to be a better educator and create more compassionate, supportive environments for students.