Dr. Pamela Cantor: Stress will make it very difficult for children to pay attention, to focus and to learn. But there is a powerful antidote to stress and that is the effect of the human relationship and the presence of trust. One-on-one time is a great opportunity for a child to have with an adult where they can feel seen, known, soothed, cared about and open up the brain to learning.

Randy Whetzel: Hey, Kumari, how’s it going?

Khamari: Good.

Randy Whetzel: How are you at Uno?

Khamari: Better than you.

Randy Whetzel: Okay, we’re about to find out. Does that mean you get to go first?

Roger Sapp: Generally, a student who just needs a little bit of extra support will be identified by the student support team. They will identify a really good time that’s non-academic, usually lunch time or snack, where the student can spend some one-on-one time.

Randy Whetzel: Who wins at home?

Khamari: Me.

Randy Whetzel: Are you sure? Your mom’s pretty competitive.

I have Kumari, who I meet with typically during lunch. He can just sit and talk to me about his family, play a quick game, or play an activity.

Robert Sapp: Talking about life, just kind of getting their mind off whatever’s bothering them that day. It really is whatever the student wants.

Randy Whetzel: What are you doing this weekend?

Khamari: I got a football game.

Randy Whetzel: Uno.

Khamari: Like, we’ll talk about like football and, like, personal stuff about our life.

Robert Sapp: A really important piece of non-contingent time is that it’s always there. What our students crave the most is predictability by the adults who are interacting with them. And, so, the non-contingent time is not dependent on behavior, because sometimes when a student is having a hardest day is when they need that non-contingent time the most.

Robert Sapp: What did mom say?

Student: “Good job.”

Robert Sapp: Mm-hm.

Dr. Pamela Cantor: Finding time with a child who might be struggling in some way and saying to yourself, “I’m going to meet with that child every day and it’s not going to be a reward for something good. It’s not going to be withheld if something bad happens, but what it will be is consistent. That is the factor that builds trust and connection between a student and a teacher.

Randy Whetzel: How do I know it’s working? I know it’s working academically. His grades have gone up. He spends more time in the classroom. In terms of emotional impact with Khamari, he’s more willing to communicate when there’s a problem.

Khamari: I feel less stress, because I could control my anger. Like, when I get very mad, I know how to calm it down.

Randy Whetzel: When kids feel like they can trust you, when they can share things that are going on in their personal lives, they’re more willing to come to school relaxed like, “This is a safe place where I know I’m going to be okay and I can focus on learning.” And so when they’re more attentive in the classroom their grades go up.

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